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Selfish-Twilight

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Jul. 16th, 2010 | 12:21 am
posted by: merefish in rinfic

pairing: Jacob/Bella
series: Twilight
rated: Hard R for disturbing images of violence and language.
notes: Follows seven years after Breaking Dawn. Canon compliant.




Six months after Nessie reaches maturity, Jane pays them a visit.

Bella and Edward- passion cooled, calm and polite- greet her as warmly as they know how. Alice and Jasper are on a fifth honeymoon and Carlisle and Esme have taken a year off to travel, so they're sharing the big house with Rosalie and Emmett. Nessie rolls her eyes when Bella asks her to be polite and conscious of the seriousness of the situation.

"Whatever, Mom." She picks at her nails, not looking Bella in the eye. She's grown into an eternally beautiful seventeen year old, her auburn hair a cascade of ringlets, her eyes dull autumn fire.

Jane stays two days and departs. Edward senses something plotting in her mind, something stewing, but she constantly translates the Declaration of Independence into Greek any time he's close enough to read her thoughts. He sinks into a slightly deeper depression, but keeps his fears to himself, his way of protecting the wife who no longer needs his protection.

Nessie's accelerated childhood has not been easy on the family. Because of her rapid growth, she had never enrolled in school- until this year, when she spent a brief three weeks at Forks High before demanding to stay home again. The other students stared at her, asked simple questions and only inflated her ego that much further, comparing her own intelligence to that of her supposed peers. The only other humans she's been around are the pack, Jake, and Charlie- who wisely asks no questions. She has no compassion for the dominant species, something that troubles all of them.

It had been just last week when Bella got in a fiery argument with her on the subject. Nessie had gone out alone, again, and come back with blood on her designer jeans two days later. As she put out the garbage, Bella found them in the trash and confronted her with them. She could feel her dead heart trying to heat up her empty veins with rage.

"This is human blood, Renesmee. Why is it on your clothes?"

"I slipped up." She shrugs. "He smelled good. He was old anyway. I did him a favor. I ditched the body in some cement. I did it clean, no worries. Besides, Emmett said he slipped up a lot in the beginning."

"Killing humans is not doing anyone any favors, and you've had your whole life to adjust to our ways, Renesmee. What is wrong with you? Don't you have any compassion?" Bella sighs, and Nessie rolls her eyes.

"Just because you were human once doesn't mean anything to me, Mom. I was never human, why should I love them? I mean, seriously, look around. They're not exactly an endangered species, here, unlike the cougars Father's so fond of eating. They kill each other every day in numbers far greater than we ever take, and we are built to kill them. I just don't see what's so bad about living that way, honestly. Compared to the rest of society, we're the Cullens, the freak coven."

Bella has nothing to say to that. She wonders where she went wrong, that her child, her precious and only child, has grown into a spoiled murderess. She has no one to blame but herself and Edward. She misses sleep and the escape it once offered, if only to release herself from this unfortunate reality.

--

Jacob is drawn to her by the imprint, inexorably, much to Nessie's disgust. He showers three times a day because the smell of dog, she says, clings to him, and when he tries to hold her hand, she jerks away. They rarely touch now, though his gaze roams over her frozen figure, hungry and curious, desiring her in a way he doesn't logically understand. Her heart flutters like a hummingbird with fear and his answers with adoration. But she will not acknowledge his dedication, his love.

"You're like a brother, Jacob. I have known you my entire life. The thought of you- and I- it's just- you're a werewolf, Jake. I'm- I'm a hybrid. I don't want kids, freak kids who will be something else even more fucked up." She presses her fingers to his forehead for the first time in over a year and shows him a nightmare she had- wolf puppies with red eyes. A pile of broken bodies. Tall plumes of purple smoke. The hooded Volturi breaking the neck of each Cullen, their hands around Bella's throat-

He pulls away gasping and rubbing his temples, and her lips curve in a smile he's not meant to see. At the end of her dream, the hoods fell back- revealing her own face and ruby red eyes. Just a dream. She leaves him standing in his patchwork garage.

In the weeks that follow, he trails her raggedly. It's all he can do. The rest of the pack sees it and sighs in their minds. This is new, unprecedented. The object of the imprint has never rejected the imprint. Then again, the object has never been half-vampire before, either.

She waits, for fear of harming him (because she does love him, just as a brother), until the day he takes it too far. He stands on bended knee before her with a hand in the air and asks her on a date, trying to be funny, trying to be cool. And failing on both levels.

"Jacob Black," she says, thinking that if she says it in formal enough language, maybe it will break this hokey wolfy mating thing. "Jacob Black," she repeats, her tone even stronger, "I will never mate with you, I will never bear your child. I am not in love with you. Please try to find someone else."

Jacob feels the tethers that bind him to her snip snip away, as the world once did when she was born and looked at him- all too aware- in the eye. The problem is, they leave him with nothing to be tied to. He doesn't look broken, just confused, mumbles "Sure, sure, Ness," and leaves.

And three weeks later, that's when Aro comes to her. It's late at night, and she's staying in the cabin, her parents in the big house. She freezes when she catches the scent- old and somehow familiar, from her brief babyhood, and looks at the ancient vampire before her, his ruined, powdery face with ruby eyes. He takes in a deep breath, scenting her out, and holds out a hand.

"Lovely Renesmee. How you've grown. Have you completed your growth yet?"

"They think so." As an afterthought, she adds, "Sir."

"Oh, Aro will suffice. No need to hang up on such human titles and formalities, my sweet. You've been no such creature, after all, and your eyes betray your...diet."

"I have a different opinion than that of my family," she states softly. "Humans smell good and they taste even better. It's what I am. Why should I live a life of denial?"

"I couldn't agree more." His voice is silken, accommodating. "Why then, continue this farce, this comedy of oddness? I have a place for you, young one. A place on my guard, where vampires will tremble at your feet and humans will be your daily nourishment, without the judgment of your parents. We would love to study you, examine how your life is carried out. You would, of course, be free to leave at any time."

The chance to see the world without her overbearing, overprotective parents or pseudo-brother hovering are intoxicating. She smiles her best smile and simpers, showing what little she has learned about human social interaction. She aims to please him, without knowing her simple assent is all that he desires from her. With shining eyes, she says yes.

--


Bella, panicked, streaks through the property faster than the eye can follow the following day. "Edward!" she calls urgently. He appears beside her before she can take a false breath.

"Renesmee's gone." They look at one another, then both inhale deeply. Edward closes his eyes. "Aro."

"Do you think she was taken?" Bella's heart clutches with fear.

"No. There's no sign of a struggle. Trace her scent, love." Bella tracks it across the small cabin, stopping at the edge of the bookcase filled with handsome leather-bound volumes. She stops at 'Alice in Wonderland'. When she cracks the binding, a thin piece of vellum falls out. Nessie's spidery fine handwriting fills the small slip of paper.

"Mother and Father,

I have gone on my own adventures. You may send letters to Volterra in my name, and I will visit a few times a year. My phone will be on as well.

Please don't follow.

All of my love,
Renesmee"

"Do you think she was forced to write this?" Edward asks. Now it's his turn for doubts.

"No...Edward, she's been feeding on humans. We... we didn't raise her right. And she's
of age now, free to choose her own path. You know that's what Carlisle will say."

And it's exactly what he does say, when he and Esme return five months later. On the day they do, Bella packs a small satchel and kisses Edward softly on the cheek.

--

She follows Jacob. Jacob's been on the road for six months when she catches up with him. He has his clothes in two saddlebags and hasn't phased since he hit the Oregon border. As Bella watches, a phantom in the trees, he sets up camp- pitching a tiny tent and shivers in the Manitoba night. She watches with a kind of wonder. Jacob Black is cold? That's when she knows he's stopped. That, and he's wearing several layers of clothing.

For two weeks, she shadows him from a respectful distance, watches him put up and take down the tent, ride his motorcycle, change it's oil, buy groceries and stay at a cheap motel. In the bar next door, he finds a girl- small, dark-haired, and wild-looking, and stumbles out with her several hours later. Bella listens to them fuck, the squeak of the bargain-basement mattress, the girl's sighs, Jacob's hollow moans, and feels more depressed than she can ever recall being since she turned. A new low point.

He hits the road early the next morning, his lay forgotten, and drives for 13 hours on a deserted highway slick with ice. She worries for him.

Even she doesn't see the truck. It's old, mid seventies, and the driver is drunk, without a license, on probation, and his truck is solid steel, the kind that are no longer made. He blindsides Jacob and he smashes into the windshield and rolls over the top of the cab, flung over the bed, and then skids a hundred feet. Bella races to him, not caring who sees, but before she's a hundred feet from him all she can smell is blood. The smear of it stretches from the battered truck to where he came to rest. He's face up and his legs and arms are laying at unnatural angles, broken. He's unconscious, and that's all that Bella's thankful for- his skull is shattered, pieces of his grey matter plainly showing at the cracks.

She has a second to make the decision. She... can't let Jake die. And he's moments away, maybe mere seconds away, from slipping away from her forever.

Jacob Black is the first person Bella Cullen ever kills.

She bites his chest, close to his faltering heart. His blood tastes sweet and has no cloying odor of dog anymore- and she knows she isn't poisoning him. Then she gently, gently, holds the pieces of his head together and seals the wounds, the venom healing. She knows there will be a jagged scar across his forehead, despite it's power. She sets his limbs back in place and then wets her palms and rubs them along the road rash that has stripped skin from muscle. A sheen of darker, harder skin scabs over the wounds. Within ten minutes, he's changed enough to start screaming.

Completely absorbed in her work, she doesn't notice the truck driver until he stumbles out of the cab. With the tenacity of the frequently inebriated, aside from the glass that litters his face and arms, he's mostly unharmed.

Bella breaks his neck with a swiftness and ferocity she didn't know that she was capable of. She throws his corpse back into the cab and drags the motorcycle off into the trees, then smashes the truck into a tree that stands dangerously close to the road. The blood alcohol level of it's driver will explain everything to local police.

She buries the bike and puts Jake over her shoulders. The vampire strength comes in handy, though he's still heavy as hell. And then he starts struggling as the fires burn, and makes things really interesting.

"Jacob!" she shouts, as he pulls against her arms. His legs thrash and his skin is like fire against her own. After seven miles, she finally finds an abandoned, empty hunting cabin, it's contents covered in fine dust, and sets him down on the narrow bed as she locks the door. The Mickey Mouse calendar on the wall dates the decor as circa 1989.

She makes a fire in the fireplace and waits for Jacob to wake up.

--

Jake knows he's dead as soon as he sees the old Ford. The road is too slick for him to stop and there's no way around it. He feels panic, because he didn't want to die, not at 24, and this is all too fast and by the time he finishes the thought, his body slams into the truck and his mind sails over it all, protecting him, sheltering him as the pain screams into his nervous system. His head feels broken, his arms and legs won't move, and the last inane thought he has is All the king's horses and all the kings men, wouldn't put can't put won't put Humpty together agai-. And then blackness. And the softest, sweetest voice- perhaps a gift from his dying brain- her voice, Bella.

Jake knows he's dead, and he's cold, but then he's on fire. It's just like the first time he phased, but instead of orange flames, they're white-hot. Is he Brother Wolf? Had he phased at the last second? He tries to scream, he tries to howl, he does both at once. He can't feel arms or paws, just a soothing cold hand all over, lighting and ending fires simultaneously. He calls out for his mother. He calls out for Billy. He calls out, in the end, for her. For Bella, for Nessie, for Bella and Nessie and Sam and Leah and Seth and Paul and fuck even Cullen if he'd only put this goddamn blaze out and let him rest in agony already.

He slips away into a trance-like state.

Then he opens his eyes.

He sees darkness. There is no pain any longer. He is human, and naked. He feels amazed that he can see in this darkness, can see the individual grains of wood on the beam above him. He decides that if this is heaven or hell or purgatory, wherever it is must be alright. He sits up.

He's in a tiny cabin. There's a fire blazing. The scents hit him- more nuanced, more detailed than even Brother Wolf's senses, and then he catches it- candied apples.

Bella Swan is watching him from a rocking chair. He inhales again- she's candied apples. And lollipops and gardenia and sugared ice cream cones and a hundred other
sticky delights. She's the scent of his heaven.

He smiles at her and she smiles back. Her skin glitters-

Wait. What?

Why the fuck was her skin glittering if this was heaven? Even he didn't think he was deranged enough to want Bella Swan as a goddamned vampire in Heaven. He rose to his feet, reached out a hand toward her-

And noticed his own hand.

It was pale, darker than Bella's skin but more like the ashen skin of the tribal elders, faded with age. And it glittered, too.

"Jake," she says, and for the first time in almost a decade, her voice sounds normal to him again. No sing-songing, lyrical bells, no attractive mind tricks-

Maybe because he was no longer prey. He was a predator now too- the same as her.

"Bella." He is frozen. He places a hand over his chest. It doesn't feel any different- but his heart does not beat beneath his breast. He groans. "Bella." He falls to the floor, to his knees.

"Bella Swan, what have you done?"

"The only thing I ever knew how to do, Jake," she says sadly. "Be selfish."

---




I wrote another one-shot in this family, it follows this one: Shattered.

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Comments {16}

lulu_honey

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from: lulu_honey
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 05:13 am (UTC)
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Wow. I love this. Heart wrenching and agnsty but just to the right degree.

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dreaming's a way of living

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from: merefish
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! :D

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audreyii_fic

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from: audreyii_fic
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 02:05 pm (UTC)
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Good. Very good.

I particularly liked your Nessie. The fact of the matter is that Bella is a selfish child, and Edward has grown sociopathic by a century of vampirism; the chances that they could successfully raise a well-adjusted child (who is saddled with the additional issues of accelerated growth and inhuman intelligence) is slim to none.

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<3 I Think I Wanna Marry You

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from: writerfreek
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
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THIS

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dreaming's a way of living

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from: merefish
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:48 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. :)

I kind of really might follow Nessie in another one-shot that follows this one. She kinda pushed herself right to the front of this one, and the idea of her as this pro-environmental, human-eating hybrid working for the Volturi is kinda intriguing to me.

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Tehomet

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from: tehomet
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 11:33 pm (UTC)
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I really hope you do, because this story was really interesting, clever, imaginative, and well written. I would love to see a sequel.

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<3 I Think I Wanna Marry You

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from: writerfreek
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
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this was really really good, but so damn sad! i was actually just thinking about how fucked up BD left their situation though, so that was a kind of perfect read for me.

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dreaming's a way of living

(no subject)

from: merefish
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:50 pm (UTC)
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Yeah I either go 100% sugar-sweet or angst. Kind of weird. I really didn't want to vamp Jake but I couldn't just let him die that way either.

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Lancera- Classical Dressage, Arthurian Tradition

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from: lancera_luso
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
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ohh this is pretty awesome!!! great work.

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dreaming's a way of living

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from: merefish
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:50 pm (UTC)
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Thank you so much!

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maria_madalena

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from: maria_madalena
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
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Oh, my God! This was very, very original, and very well writen. Congratulations!

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dreaming's a way of living

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from: merefish
date: Jul. 16th, 2010 07:51 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, I appreciate your praise! (Love your icon btw, Keira ftw!)

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maria_madalena

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from: maria_madalena
date: Jul. 18th, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
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I really enjoy your fic and I think that you could continue this. I nominated it for the Underdog, on theair_thesun, for best shock, anyway. And thanks.:)I love Keira's Lizzy.

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miwalicious

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from: miwalicious
date: Jul. 17th, 2010 03:12 am (UTC)
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wow... great idea. poor jake, but i totally understand bella. who would like to lose jake

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sleepy_sheep683

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from: sleepy_sheep683
date: Jul. 17th, 2010 07:28 pm (UTC)
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I loved this. The idea of both Nessie as the messed up non-human (because, frankly, only Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and the Pack stand a chance of raising her to be well-adjusted) and Bella being her usual selfish self. I'd quite like to see how Jacob reacts to becoming a vampire. I can't help but think he'd off himself the moment he finds himself even slightly tempted by human blood.

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dredhedred

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from: dredhedred
date: Jul. 19th, 2010 01:20 am (UTC)
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I really enjoyed this, good job.

Your Nessie was great - like other people have said here, it would surely be impossible for her to grow up even remotely well-adjusted, and her morals would be completely different from anyone else around her.

Poor Jake though. He would surely hate himself now.

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